I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
