If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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