I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
