No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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