He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
