Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
