The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize