It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
