Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
