Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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