You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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