Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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