Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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