he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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