RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
