then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Barsexuality is the new black.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize