I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
