It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize