Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
