I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
