you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
