Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
