i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize