hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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