We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
