I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
