Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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