Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
