Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I am naked and annoyed.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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