I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize