I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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