Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
