Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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