just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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