tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Randomize
