i permit you to call me
Its about making memories worth repressing
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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