I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Sorry about my life...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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