Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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