So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
