we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize