I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize