Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
