last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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