I bet he comes in French.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
