hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So here I am, sexting at work.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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