I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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