I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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