I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
