I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
