Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
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Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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