My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize