she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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