Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
