i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize