I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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