belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
