I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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