Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
