There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
