you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
