yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
