shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
