I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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