i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
