areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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