i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
