OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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