Whod you bang
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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