I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Boobs are out for the taking
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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