I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It was confusing and full of hummus
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Randomize
