I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
