it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
