And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
