It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
