its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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