i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
