We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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