Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize