You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
