i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My pussy is not your playground.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
