Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
