do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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