at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
