Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
