just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
