I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
