I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
