Say something about gay babies.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
