I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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