Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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