He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
