Say something about gay babies.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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