My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
