Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
