I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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