If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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