Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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