Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
