Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
