so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize