we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The struggles of a small town man whore
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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