Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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