Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
