watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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