note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just invented taco cereal.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
