What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
