we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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