morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
