I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
