why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
