She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
