If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
