All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
