your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
