got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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