He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize