I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
