i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
