I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
