my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
