Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Less talking, more tequila
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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