like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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