I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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