I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
