6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
send nudes
from the living room?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize