And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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