you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
