ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
