How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
