She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
