Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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