I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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