You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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